*shot*

This post signifies that the owner of this account would not be posting journals here anymore...and would be keeping this alive for the sake of QSS-RPing, and posting comments and joining communities. -shot-

But of course, in case you're interested of what's happening to this person, you could always visit her site which is found here.

Thank you for cooperating, and she's hoping to see you around. :)

Hah. Despite my inborn laziness, I managed to get another LJ account. How's that?

Hmm...unfortunately, it's not for me. :) It's for my crappy OC, Miyano Ayumi. :P

bubbly_otaku eh? How's the sound of that? Cute eh? Despite this adorkable OC, I--okay, shut up. You're bashing her. :P [Ayumi's crying. AWWWW...] It's suggested by Lana-chan, so it's cute. ^^;

Be sure to visit it sometime, yes? OH, and...QSS too. They have awesome RP-ers. :) And cool people too. Like the bratty Ritter and the princely Vinny. Choose your pick. LOL.

"I think writer's block is simply the dread that you are going to write something horrible. But as a writer, I believe that if you sit down at the keys long enough, sooner or later something will come out." --Roy Blount, Jr.

Haha. I felt weird as I saw this photo. A sudden...weird feeling. I mean...that's the most brilliant way of presenting a visual idea on how the Writer's Block works.  I mean, for me at least. :P

Do everyone have this? Well, at least I do. But I think great writers with great minds don't have a problem with this. Or...really? They don't?

Writer's block is one of the foe of writers in writing. Well, except flamers of course. :) Well, flamers are different, because they're...different of different person, while in writer's block, you tend to battle with your self? Honestly, my description sucks. So please, bear with it.

(I'm totally in disagreement with flames, by the way. Concrits may be enough.)

Well, writer's block is hideous. You don't know exactly what's wrong. It's just because...your mind's blank. Hah. One moment you're so excited to write, then suddenly...poof. That happened to me a lot of times, 'ya know. And it's...cruel. Considering the fact that you hold on the plot for so long and the next thing you knew...it's gone.

Another scenario, is when you need to get a chapter done, and all you did is to stare at your monitor, simply because you don't know what to write.

HOMG. That just sucks.

Oh, one more. Your stress and other activities might be the reason, too. For a busy person. Yea. But...somehow, that can help squeeze plots ne? Since you're more exposed to the environment after all.

Aww..what am I saying. Is this a symptom of writer's block too? Restlessness? -_-"

(I'm spamming. HELLYEAH. I am.)

Source: Photobucket (dot) com (Hah, beat that! XDD)

1. Your / You're errors drive you crazy.

2. You named your laptop.

3. You eat macaroni and cheese for a week because you spent all your money at the book store.

4. Books are your favorite scent.

5. If you could meet anyone in the world, that would be your favorite author.

6. You have a favorite pen no one else could touch.

7. You know your library phone number but not your work number.

8. Some of the letters on your keyboard are completely worn off.

9. You would rather talk to the person in your head than the person beside you.


Hah. So, I'm not a writer then? LOL.

Haha. Is silence the proper term? I mean...well, silence here in LJ. From now on, since I kinda learned some by myself, I'd by updating this from time to time. And if possible, everyday.

Updating this is tiring. Srsly. The mood themes, the journal itself. EVERYTHING. I spent almost my whole afternoon just to get this done. Ugh.

And after the shock of trashing my application in BSBA, I feel kinda good today. :P I'm feeling good for the following reasons:

1. Because I'm still alive and (feebly) kicking. LOL. Through God's grace. :))

2. Because yesterday, I just passed my second solo story comeback, Wanted: Girl Friday. :) Beta-ed by Polka-chan of course.

3. I still have two application to change campus. I shouldn't be sad. NE?

And for more odd reasons. Well, I'm not really elated. But I'm not sad though. In short, I'M BORED. :))

To be honest, I'm sad. Really sad. Really really REALLY sad and Disappointed. Why?

Ang lola nyo, di nakapasok sa inaasam asam nyang course. Bachelor of Science in Business Administration. Ever since before I entered college, sabi ko sa sarili ko, "Hala, business ata ang gusto ko." Alam ko naman nun na walang patutunguhan pa ang buhay ko. Di dahil super bobo ko or what. Kasi, wala pa talaga akong concrete idea kong sino ako after another 10 years. Tapos ayon, when I was looking up courses, sobrang tagal kong tinitigan ang BSBAA. Yup, yung may accountancy. Kaso naman, haleeer. Suuuuuper strict ng quota. Yung tipong mga sobrang galing sa math na akala mo'y esposa nila ang matimatika. Haaaaaaanep.

And, unfortunately, hindi ako isa sa mga taong yun.

Gusto ko yung course, oo. Pero ayaw nung course sakin. HAHA.

Kanina pang umaga atat na atat ang tatay kong malaman ang results. Kung pasado daw ba ako o hindi. Ano kaya magiging reaksyon nya pag pasado ko no? I'm sure it would inflate his ego. He never fails boasting all of us to his colleagues and friends. Minsan nga nakakahiya na. Honestly speaking, excited din ako. Kung totoo ngang inspite ng pagloloko ko nung freshman time ko eh, I'll manage to be accepted. Kaya lang nakakatakot.

Yan kasi ang isa sa mga nakakainis kong fear, na hanggang ngayon, di ko maalis alis sa sistema ko, ang fear or rejection.

Ayun, nakita na nya yung result. Di ko na tinignan facial expression nya. Kasi alam ko, hindi ko magugustuhan. Alam nyu naman pag disappointed yung isang tao diba? Ayun. Obvious naman siguro na madidisappoint sya, considering the fact na lahat ata ng gusto ko e ibinigay nila.

Nung sinabi nyang, "Anak, wala ka dito sa listahan." Nagbingi bingihan pa ko. Sabi ko, "Ano?" Edi inulit nya. Inulit ko rin sinabi ko. Hanggang sa sumabat na din si mami saying na, "Hindi ka raw pasado."

Gumatong pa etong magaling kong kapatid, "Ayyy...di ka pasado?"

Umulit ulit lahat yun sa kin. Hindi raw ako pasado. Hindi ako pasado dun sa course na matagal ko ng inasam. Gusto kong umiyak. Pero that would mean I admit defeat ne? And, really. That was embarrassing. All along I was thinking na, "BSBA? Piece of cake." or "Have a little faith on me please?"

Oh diba? Ang yabang? Haha. I'm so pathetic. Kulang na lang ipamuka nila saking lahat na loser ako.

Kasama din dapat ako sa lakad ngayon, for mom and dad's anniversary. Pero I refused. Tinatamad? Partly, Pero the main reason was, nahihiya ako sa kanila. They've been expecting all along ne?

Dad was asking me. "Malungkot ka ba anak?" I shook my head in disagreement. Pero, gusto kong isigaw sa kanya na "OO. MALUNGKOT AKO. DISAPPOINTED. SOOOBRA." Pero pinigilan ko bunganga ko, pretending I'm fine. Well, I am fine. Okay, scratch that. I'm kinda fine.

I prayed to God yesterday, saying, "God, bukas na po yung release ng results for BSBA. I want to pass Lord. I really do. Pero, let Your will be done." Una, hesitant pa akong sabihin yun. Kasi naman, gusto ko talaga ang BSBA. Pero, sinabi ko na rin. Well, partly to decrease the disappointment. Pero gusto ko rin kasing malaman if God really wants me to be in BSBA. Or...to other courses. Siguro alam nyang hindi ako magsasucceed sa field na yan. Oh, of course. Because I'm a big pushover.

And maybe, this is God saying na, "Anak, BSBA's not for you. I'm giving you more than what you could imagine." Yun nga siguro yun. Anak ako ni Lord diba? So why should I be afraid.

Well, tao lang ako, kaya di nyo talaga maaalis sakin ang malungkot. That was my biggest dream a'ryt? POOF. Dahil sa pagpapabaya sa pagaaral at pagliliwaliw ng isang taon, I think this consequence is enough. Yan, yan ang isang bagay na hinding hindi ko kakalimutan from this experience.

Oh and yea, God taught me another thing. Never expect something from your own perspective and strength. Expect something bigger. Something from God.

*shakes head* Di na. Di na ko malungkot. Alam kong nag-pray naman ako. Saka, my grades are pretty decent. Not that horrible, I guess. Wala pa namang 5 or 3. :) And I thank Him for that. Kahit na...'ya know, puro Detective Conan ang inatupag ko, when I prayed for my Math53 finals, akalain mong nakapasa? Yun. At least hindi big fat five ne?

Saka, sabi sa isang verse(somewhere, dunno exactly), sa lahat dapat ng circumstances, learn to thank God. Di naman daw nya kasi ibibigay yan kung hindi mo kaya. Akalain mo? Kaya ko pala? :)

May tiwala sya sakin. Kasi, alam nyang kaya kong ipagpatuloy ang Computer Science ko sa Diliman. :P Kasi I'm more than conqueror. Anak nya daw kasi ako. At wala syang anak na talunan.

I'll just look at the brighter side, maybe. I still have pending applications for ComSci and iEng in the College of Engineering, University of the Philippines, Diliman. Baka yun ang gusto nya for me (yun ba Lord? XD). Kasi daw, gusto nyang magkita kami ni Sheena. :)) Saka daw para magkasama parin kami ni Vincent next sem. Kung di nyo kilala yang dalawang yan...hmm, okay, Sheena's a high school batchmate. :P Guitarist. Civil Engineering University of the Philippines Diliman. Si Vincent naman, yung halimaw kong blocmate sa ComSci. :)) Kasama kong tumili non kay Kuya Gelo. LOL.

Makakapasok ako ng UPD. I just knew I would (newfound confidence eh?). Kasi ililibre pa ako ni Dadi Kris ng Starbucks. Ah, pati pala si Joanna (musta na pala maid nyo? XD And random. LOL). At maggagala pa kami ni Dadi Kris at Lucille sa Trinoma at MoA. Napakagandang mga pangarap. HAHA. Ano ba yan. :))

Salamat pala sa prayers. Alam ko na kung bakit di ako pumasa, may hidden guilt pa sakin si Ate Jelai. Di ko raw kasi sya binati nung birthday nya. Honestly, nakalimutan ko talaga. So sorry. :P

Ayun. Sana ipagpatuloy nyo pa yung prayers. :P I really need those. Nanghihina din ang espiritu ko ngayon. Kaya...I need some sort of support. (Waw. Alliteration. XD)

*owari*

[Originally written: 31 March 2009 - shiyahchan.multiply.com]

"Is wanting to live being greedy?.."

I don't know if these were the exact words, but...for Aya-nee-chan (of One Litre of Tears) saying these...my tears couldn't stop flowing.

All along, she had been a good girl everyone desires to be their daughter. Smart, athletic, quite good-looking, and most of all, kind-hearted and compassionate. I haven't started the story myself, but...before you know it, you couldn't hinder yourself from shedding tears. I know, why do I have to cry over those?

Simple, because Aya-nee touched me. Aya-nee touched my life.

This isn't my first time crying over something watched in the television. Also, this story isn't new at all. For, of course, death isn't new too.

But, all the feelings I felt while watching the series...it all felt new. LAHAT LAHAT yun.

Even the feeling of her parents loosing her. Over a disease that was pretty questionable for her to have.

Yes, she asked herself, her parents..why, of all people, would the disease choose her? She hadn't been a bad girl had she?

But, what touched me the most is her selflessness. Her perseverance not to give up. Her continuous search for the meaning of her life, that she didn't want to leave unless she finds it. That's why, for the matter of ten years that she had been sick (she discovered her illness at age 15), she had never given up doing and showing the evidence that she lived...and was still alive, at that time. That is, her diary.

Her journal inspired many. Including those like her with that incurable disease.

She hadn't even like she had the disease at all. The feelings with each word written, all contained her strength...that she never gave up. That through those, she helped people in more ways than one. :)

Lesson Learned?

Appreciate what you have, for what you have, might be the one others were longing for.

Aya-nee wanted so many things. To finish studying. To get married. To have a happy family. To have a prosperous and healthy life. But, all these she didn't achieve, because she didn't have what YOU have. If only she didn't have that disease, she haven't wasted anytime to do what she wanted. But as early as 25 years old, she died.

Sooo...should we be thankful? That we have what Aya-nee wanted but never had? Shouldn't we be thankful, that because of Aya-nee, we had the sudden urge to search for our life's meaning? Well, in case you still haven't known the answer, I'll share it then.

You're living for God. Your reason for living is Him. Without Him, even life is impossible.

:) Wherever Aya-nee is, I'm sure she's happy. She wanted to help us. She wanted to help me. She wanted to help YOU.

Hooooyeah. I don't really know why the title of this...er, post is like that. Haha. I haven't even notice that...I suddenly logged in after long silence. Whoa. Silence. Yearyt.

For the love of writing...hmm...yea, writing. It's not really, ya know, included in my priority list, but, it has lots of my attention. Dunno why though. Maybe because I love writing just the way it is. I'm able to...express myself. And what's more, I can be who I am.

Whoa. What a topic. Actually, er...I don't have anything in mind...that's why. :P

WRITER'S BLOCK. Gaaaaaaaah. :(

I really am curious of why people abandon PoT. Ah...yea, time flies, and so are interests. I know I shouldn't be surprised with what's happening but...I still have to know why.

Before, many used to love Tennis no Oujisama, Prince of Tennis, or simply...PoT, because of the young lad named Echizen Ryoma. A lot of fanfictions contained them. Oh...them...especially Echizen Ryoma and Ryuuzaki Sakuno, otherwise known as RyoSaku or the Ponta Pair. =] oh...I really do look forward to the blossom of romance between the two, but then...

When the anime series ended, and so was the OVA, the fans started to decrease. And what's more is...oh, applicable much to fanfiction (dot) net, the fictions which seem to lack...er, dunno...sense? Maybe. I can include my own fiction there myself.

I really hope that by the time the Prince of After School comes, my muse and other's muse for PoT would...come back as well. =]

Curiosity kills the cat?? Well, not always. I've joined this site out of curiosity. Who knows what would I gain here ne?

This would officially be my first post here at LJ. Honestly speaking, I found it more peaceful here than ffn. Though, I don't still don't want to abandon that site. Well, at least I gotta try something new. Besides, all my stories there were nuts, so, I decided to delete them all. Yeah, yeah, as pathetic as it may seem.


Hmm. . .I think, trying this site would not be a bad idea after all. =] Well, I guess so.

.first.post.desu.